When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. Rodney Dangerfield


When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. Rodney Dangerfield

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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’ Rodney Dangerfield


Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' Rodney Dangerfield

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. Rodney Dangerfield


My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. Rodney Dangerfield

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I found there was only one way to look thin hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield


I found there was only one way to look thin hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield

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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful – never made me breakfast once. I don’t want to get started. One story is worse than another.-Rodney Dangerfield


My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful – never made me breakfast once. I don’t want to get started. One story is worse than another.-Rodney Dangerfield

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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her


I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was


My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. Rodney Dangerfield

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