When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults. Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. Demetri Martin
I promise to always tell you the truth about whether or not you look fat if you promise not to get fat
If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult
Pasta doesn’t make you fat. How much pasta you eat makes you fat. Giada De Laurentiis
To My Children If you need me call me. I dont care if Im sleeping if Im having my own problems or if Ive been angry at you. If you need me and if you need to talk Ill always be there for you.
A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. Dennis Miller